Nereida: Piss off, I'm still here

Whatsherface is in full force on the control of damage reports in Spain and Portugal that has kicked the kerb of Cristiano Ronaldo.

She is passed on the offensive and told the press that the relationship has not ended. "I love him and he loves me," he told the press outside his house in Majorca.

However, others close to it are out of this laughing and saying that Mrs Nereida is undoubtedly the only train back to the school nurse / bikini contests / etc.

Not that we expected her to bend or even disappear yet, but this is some fire quick response on his behalf, and we are impressed by that.

Watch this space, Kickettes. Undoubtedly, a sex tape or reality television show is close. We are faced with the candlelight Louboutin and offer a sacrifice to the gods in the hope that Cristiano is single again.(kickette)