Cheryl Tweedy: I can't cry anymore

GORGEOUS Cheryl COLE has opened his heart about why he gave her cheating husband ASHLEY COLE a second chance - but has admitted it can not control their behavior in the future.

The Girls Aloud star, 25, spoke for the first time about his decision to take Chelsea footballer Ashley, 27, back after it was revealed that he had deceived her with hairdresser Aimee Walton, 22, earlier this year . She admits that struck the "lowest of the low" after the Chelsea star was shed.

In an excerpt from the band for the next dream that Glitter autobiography, serialised in OK! magazine, Cheryl said: "I think everyone is different and some people who are destined to be together forever, and some are not. "The society has its rules on marriage, but I have my own and I'm changing and learning all the time."

Cheryl last week appeared in the Jonathan Ross show the use of a new £ 160,000-square CUT diamond ring. Ashley is believed to have bought large Sparkler as an anniversary gift, but Cheryl has not used before in public.

The Sparkler was a replacement for the heart in the form of an engagement ring that Cheryl removed after learning of his outside game. Brave beauty Cheryl said her husband despite the infidelity that she believed her marriage was worth fighting for. "When I told my wedding I meant them votes. I have said for life - for better, for worse. It will not be worse times and better times. What is worth having anyway if you do not fight?"

And she said she decided to leave Ashley to be a "free spirit" and refuses to become a paranoid wife that her husband kept under constant surveillance.

She said: "People make mistakes, something happens. Ashley is a free spirit. I'm not his keeper. I believe in letting people live their lives and be free, so Ashley can have time with your friends when you want, you can leave when they want. I'm not the perfect lady, I've made mistakes, and if you never gave me a second chance, God knows me now."

However, the fragile star admitted that she had been left emotionally marked by the revelations about Ashley from the trap. "I can not hurt more than what I have hurt, I can not mourn over what I cried. I've been the highest highs and lowest of the low, so that one day I will find my spot and be happy."

The X Factor judge, who last week wowed fans with his debut on the catwalk during Fashion Week in London, confessed that although he has taken Ashley back, there are still outstanding issues in the relationship. "I feel there are still things I need to sort my head, that some things in my life are a bit up in the air."

The star, who lost a large amount of weight following his recent distress, he admitted that he had become a "walking corpse" through a previous relationship breakdown when I was a teenager.

She said: "For two years I was in a really destructive relationship. Clinically depressed and I was dangerously underweight. I was having terrible panic attacks and suffered from anxiety, and as a result was my appetite. Any food used to make my stomach churn. I 5st 11 pounds in my worst moment, like a walking corpse."